Sometimes, we can sense there is a problem in our relationship, but we aren’t sure what it is.

We feel disconnected, but it’s hard to pinpoint how it got to this point and why we feel that way.

Take this quiz to help you figure out what is happening in your relationship that helps you feel disconnected to your partner.

From your viewpoint, is your partner accessible to you?

  1. I can get my partner’s attention easily. True or False
  2. My partner is easy to connect with emotionally. True or False
  3. My partner shows me that I come first with him/her. True or False
  4. I am not feeling lonely or shut out in this relationship. True or False
  5. I can share my deepest feelings with my partner. He/she will listen. True or False

From your viewpoint, is your partner responsive to you?

  1. If I need connection and comfort, he/she will be there for me. True or False
  2. My partner responds to signals that I need him/her to come close. True or False
  3. I find I can lean on my partner when I am anxious or unsure. True or False
  4. Even when we fight or disagree, I know that I am important to my partner and we will find a way to come together. True or False
  5. If I need reassurance about how important I am to my partner, I can get it. True or False

Are you positively emotionally engaged with each other?

  1. I feel very comfortable being close to, trusting my partner. True or False
  2. I can confide in my partner about almost anything. True or False
  3. I feel confident, even when we are apart, that we are connected to each other. True or False
  4. I know that my partner cares about my joys, hurts, and fears. True or False
  5. I feel safe enough to take emotional risks with my partner. True or False

If you answered False to any of these questions, then improvements to your relationship can be made.

Take a look at the statements you answered False.

Are any of them stacked in one particular section? Maybe you don’t feel your partner is accessible (section one), responsive (section two), or emotionally engaged (section three) with you.

Begin to think about the interactions you have with your partner that make it possible for you to say false.

What is your partner doing specifically? Yelling at you, Scoffing at you, Turning away from you, or something else?

What are you feeling in those moments? Anger, hurt, Lonely?

What are you thinking in those moments? They don’t care, I don’t matter to them, I’m failing them?

Begin to take the risk to talk to your partner about these hard thoughts and emotions.

The only way out of it is through it.

You can do this, and I’m here to help.